My lifelong struggle with the Lover Archetype only began to move towards a satisfactory resolution once I had a Healthy(er) Warrior in place. Once again, you can find some aspects of this journey towards the Lover in a blog on this website. The Healthy Lover can be seen as a feminine (rather than female), below-the-line energy, and embraces emotion, feeling, idealism and sensuality. The Lover resides in the heart. Wendy Palmer identifies BEING LIKED as the main focus of the unconscious heart persona. Only in the healthy, conscious form does this change to a belief in BEING COMPASSIONATE!

The following features describe the Healthy Lover Archetype.

• Empathises• Vulnerability
• Listens• Compassion
• Appreciates•  Authenticity
• Supports• Connects and Engages
• Humility• Able to experience and grieve Loss

The basic task of the Healthy Lover is to Listen to what has Heart and Meaning.

Shadow Lover Archetypes describe those who have too much (Addict) or too little (Stoic) Lover Energy.

Extreme passionsNumbs feelings, especially Grief
SmothersUnable to connect
Flares upAvoids ‘touchy-feely’
Neurotic or co-dependent in relationshipsAvoids eye contact
Drama queen/king 
Fanatically for/against spiritual dimension 

Using this framework, consider the following questions.

i. Which is your default Lover type:

  • When calm? When under pressure?

ii. How does your Lover usually show up:

  • At work? At home?

iii. Which Shadow Lover are you most familiar with in your own behaviour? Addict or Victim?