My lifelong struggle with the Lover Archetype only began to move towards a satisfactory resolution once I had a Healthy(er) Warrior in place. Once again, you can find some aspects of this journey towards the Lover in a blog on this website. The Healthy Lover can be seen as a feminine (rather than female), below-the-line energy, and embraces emotion, feeling, idealism and sensuality. The Lover resides in the heart. Wendy Palmer identifies BEING LIKED as the main focus of the unconscious heart persona. Only in the healthy, conscious form does this change to a belief in BEING COMPASSIONATE!
The following features describe the Healthy Lover Archetype.
| • Empathises | • Vulnerability |
| • Listens | • Compassion |
| • Appreciates | • Authenticity |
| • Supports | • Connects and Engages |
| • Humility | • Able to experience and grieve Loss |
The basic task of the Healthy Lover is to Listen to what has Heart and Meaning.
Shadow Lover Archetypes describe those who have too much (Addict) or too little (Stoic) Lover Energy.
| ADDICT | STOIC |
| Extreme passions | Numbs feelings, especially Grief |
| Smothers | Unable to connect |
| Flares up | Avoids ‘touchy-feely’ |
| Neurotic or co-dependent in relationships | Avoids eye contact |
| Drama queen/king | |
| Fanatically for/against spiritual dimension |
Using this framework, consider the following questions.
i. Which is your default Lover type:
ii. How does your Lover usually show up:
iii. Which Shadow Lover are you most familiar with in your own behaviour? Addict or Victim?